Just a little update to let you know that Jack did really well yesterday with his scans.  We got to the hospital and he was in great spirits.  We were able to deliver some of our “Stronger Than Cancer” shirts to some of the PCH employees since we had a little bit of time on our hands.  Walking back in to radiology used to feel like you were walking into the hallways of doom because it’s simply terrifying but now, even though we are still nervous about it all, we walk back there and we are greeted by our second family.  The nuclear med team, the CT team, nurse Angela, and of course Dr Maze are all there waiting for us and with open arms.  They care so much about Jack and our family and knowing that they will take such amazing care of him while he is under, makes a huge difference.

Jack fell asleep well, with a smile on his face but with a very strong grip on to Zac’s shirt.  We gave him kisses and ran up to the oncology floor to deliver some more shirts while he was asleep.  The scans didn’t take any longer than needed and we were back in recovery in about 1 1/2 hours.  Jack was sound asleep and after about 20 minutes, he woke up well, ate his popsicle, and we headed home….with a small stop at Toys R Us of course!  Once we were home he had another snack and out he went to play in the backyard….all was back to normal again!

Now we sit and wait for Dr Eshun to call.  We know we won’t know full details until Tuesday but I am really hoping that we get some preliminary results today at some point.  My birthday is on Saturday and the only thing I want is for Jack’s scans to be clear and for him to be cancer free forever.

Thank you all for your love and support…it means so much to us…

Everything was going great today…Jack woke up without having a fever and slept very well last night.  He ate well today, had energy, and never spiked a fever…until late tonight.  He threw up after dinner and up popped a fever of 101.5.  He is now sleeping next to me and his fever has gone down to 100.5 without medication…and this is a good thing.  The spike in the fever could be due to a million things…he got sick to his stomach, he was eating, it’s night time, he still has a head cold and cough…there is a million different reasons why this is happening but I am going to need to figure out why so we are heading to PCH tomorrow.  We will be getting a CBC as well as a blood panel done.  I may, and truly hope with all that is in me, that I am overreacting and that he just has a virus but I can’t go in to another day with the wonder of what in the hell is going on in his little body.  Something is off…it cold be the cold, but something isn’t ok.  I want nothing more than to be the crazy mom who worries far too much and have everything be ok with Jack.

I told a friend today that I saw this quote and it’s so very true:

“There are moments which mark your life.  Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this, and after this.”

This is very true.  The moment Jack was diagnosed, my entire world was changed forever.  The way I act, think, react, feel, love, rationalize, the way I appreciate the little things (and the big things), the mission I have in life, the drive I have…everything has changed.   It took a moment.  A single moment to redirect my entire life….not only mine, but my families and many of my friends.  Things change and one of the small things that changed is the way I look at illness with my kids.  It freaks me out.  Freaks the living crap out of me.  It may not be what is “normal” but it is what is our life now and what it probably will be until my kids are grown men and have kids of their own.  I feel sorry for their future wives…I am on record now saying that I am sorry but I will be “that” mother-in-law.  My kids are my life…they are Zac’s life…we couldn’t live without them.

So, please….send your prayers, positive thoughts, energy, fairies, spells…whatever you wish…send all the good thoughts towards Jack.  Hopefully this is just a funky virus that he is having  hard time shaking.  Whatever it is, we will figure it out and we will get rid of it.  It’s what he does…it’s Jack.

We are putting in an order on Tuesday of next week so please let us know what sizes you want!!  All you have to do is click on the “Donate” tab and donate for the amount of shirts you want.  $20 for adults and $15 for children.  Don’t forget to add a note of what sizes you want!!  Please email me with any questions!

lmorton@thejackmortfoundation.org

How handsome is Jack in his shirt!  He was so proud to wear his today!

It’s been awhile since I have had a post and I have been jotting down things to write about but it all went to hell when Jack gave me a reality check tonight at bed time.  We just got done reading “Warrior Baby” by Shannon Laffoon and he told me he loved the book and put it in a special spot on his bookcase.  He said, “I know just where to put this one….” and off he went.  I asked him if he liked the book and he said he really did and wanted to know more about Wylder and his dog Maddie.  We talked for a bit and then turned off the lights.  He lined up his “guys”…Norbert, Tiger, Bunny, Mario, and Luigi in the correct order and then put his head on his pillow with a smile.  I asked if we should do our prayers now and of course he said yes.  We thanked God for our family and friends.  We thanked God for our health, the food on our table, and the roof over our head.  We asked God to protect our family as he has been…not just us, but our aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents…everyone.  We asked God to help the kids at the hospital that were hurting…to somehow take away their pain and give them hope.  After we were done with our normal prayers, I asked Jack if there was anything he wanted to say and he said…

“Am I allowed to thank God for my toys?”

I told him of course he was…

He said, “Thank you for my toys, my mom, my dad, my brother, my family, my friends…”

I asked him if he wanted to thank God for anything else like “No more…”

And Jack said, “Cancer?”

I said, “Yes, do you want to thank God for no more cancer and to ask him to keep it away forever?”

Jack said, “I already do.”

Me, “Oh…you do?  When?  Every night”

Jack, “pretty much…I always ask for that.”

Oh.  Ok.  Really?  My 5 year old asks God for no more cancer every night on his own, by himself, before bed…Wow.

I am not sure if I should be screaming with pride that my 5 year old would do such a thing or sick to my stomach that he is even thinking of such a thing.  This is what I am going to go with…

I am proud of him.  I am so very proud of him.  When I was asked what gave me the strength to get through the months of treatment that he went though, I said Jack is what got me through. He gave me strength.  He gave me power.  He should be the one getting strength from me and Zac, but he is the one who was doing it.  He knew from the beginning that hew as going to fight and he did.  He knew when he was 2 1/2 that he was going to be ok, because he told me.  He took my face in his tiny little hands and told me, “I am ok.” I believed him and that is what powered me through.  I think he has a connection with others that we don’t have.  Maybe it’s my Grandpa…maybe isn’t his Nanna Lou…I am not sure what it is, but he is wise.  I am a planner, but he plans it out before me and doesn’t even tell me.  He continues to go on with his little life like nothing has happened to him because he knows that every second counts.  Sounds a bit much for a 5 year old…maybe so, but it’s honestly the truth.  He got up every single day through treatment and kept on pushing.  Continued fighting.  Continued loving his life while he was going through hell.  He is my inspiration.  He is my strength.  He is my reason to fight and my reason to never give up.  He prays for no more cancer at night while he is falling asleep.  He is my hero.

Jack is officially a Kindergartner!!  There were times when we didn’t know if this day would come, but it has and we are so very thankful!!  Before I get to the past 2 days of school, I just thought I would say a few more “Happy birthdays” to some more people!  July is a VERY busy birthday month for us and this past weekend we were able to celebrate most of them.  My mom and dad come in town for the weekend and since my mom’s birthday is coming up in a few days, we combined and celebrated her birthday, my nephew Cole’s birthday, Scott’s late birthday, and we blew out a candle for Shawn for his birthday (my other brother-in-law).  I feel very fortunate to have all of my family around so much of the time because we really are those crazy people that are really close and actually enjoy our time together!  You all know how much my parents have been so closely involved with us and I couldn’t be more thankful for our relationship with them and for their relationship with my kids.  So happy my mom was able to be here for to blow out the candle on her own german chocolate cake (we made 4 cakes…one for each person but Braden had to blow out Shawns since he wasn’t here!) It was so great to have them here and to all celebrate another year together!

So Monday was Jack’s first day of school and he did great!  I did much better than I thought I would and that was mostly due to not wanting to break down in front of Jack!  We all made the trip to school (I already warned the teacher that we happen to travel in groups and there is usually someone, my dad, with a camera recording the entire event) and Jack showed off his new classroom.  He settled in very easy and knew were everything needed to go and then he was ready for us to leave.  We gave him kisses and hugs and left the room only to walk back in a few minutes later to give just one more kiss.  It was a pretty slow day waiting for 3:00 to come but when it did, we were there standing and waiting for him to walk out the doors!  He told us he had a great day and the only thing that upset him was there was more learning than playing games.  He said, “I know school is for learning and all, but I thought there would be more games.”

Today I went to drop off Jack and was telling him that today would be the last day that I walked him to his room and starting tomorrow, I would be joining all the other parents in the big drop off line and he would have to walk to his room by himself.  He told me he could do it today and when I asked if he was sure he wanted to walk alone he told me, “Sometimes it’s nice to be alone.”  Ok…not sure if he is sick of being with me all the time or wanted time to think of  some more clever things to say to me later, but I agreed to let him off in the long line and he could walk alone.  When we pulled up he jumped out of the car and I asked the teacher who was there if he would make sure to show him what gate to go through.  He of course said he would and off he went.  I tried to watch as long as I could but I had to get my car moving so the line could continue on.  I started thinking, “What if he doesn’t go to the right class? What if he gets lost.  Maybe I will just call the teacher to make sure he is there, no that would be nuts.  I wonder if the teacher calls if a child doesn’t show up.”  Ok, forget it…I parked my car and brought my parent pass with me and walked, quickly, to his class and looked inside…and there he was, sitting at his table  and coloring.  Just as he should.  I walked back to my car, crying, and for that moment I realized that he is changing and growing so much.  He just reached a new milestone in his life and he is going to change even more over the school year.

I picked Jack up today in the parent pick up line and it all worked out well.  Braden and I got there 40 minutes before school was out and I was the 3rd car in line…how early do these parents get here?!?  The teacher walked Jack out to the car and in he climbed telling me he had a fun day and did really well in his music class today getting all the notes right.  Not sure what he meant but just happy he had another good day.  He is excited to go back tomorrow.  He thanked me for his good lunch he ate and for the note I put in his lunch box.

We came home and took a “Second Day of Kindergarten” picture since I goofed up on the “First Day” photo and of course Braden wanted in on the action.  He misses his brother when he is gone all day and was very excited to go back and pick him up.  It is different being here during the day with just Braden.  We get to spend more time together, which is wonderful, but when he is down for a nap and the house is so silent, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself.  I cleaned and then found myself sitting down and watching tv.  Very odd to watch an show that isn’t on PBS or Disney during the day. I have to find somthign for Braden and I to do during the day to keep us busy!

One last thing…thank you for all the texts and emails asking how the first day of school went before it even started!  I was a little taken back by all the texts that came pouring in before 8 AM on Monday.  It is nice to know how many of you are still out there, being supportive of Jack and his journey.  Thank you so very much!!

Just a few pics from school…

Yes, I am well aware that it’s spelled wrong.  I swear I know how to spell, but Apple autocorrects it this way and I didn’t think anything of it!!

Just one last kiss!!

Showing Braden the ropes…

Braden was not thrilled when he had to leave!

And now I spelled it correct!

And of course my little ham didn’t want to miss out on getting his picture taken, but he told me he wanted to take it like this instead…