Well we got a little more information from Jack’s surgeon last night about his biopsy tomorrow morning. First, it is scheduled for 8:00 AM so we need all those prayers and positive thoughts first thing in the morning! Second, we will be at the hospital a bit longer than we thought. He feels very confident that he can go in and get this small “mass” (I really hate that word so we need to come up with something different for it) with a scope instead of fully opening him which is great. He is also very confident that he can get the entire things without putting him in any danger. It is on his right side and behind his heart a little bit. This surgeon is the same one who put in Jack’s broviac, did his tumor resection, and took his broviac out and he really is amazing. We have felt very comfortable since the moment we met him back in 2010. I asked him if he remembered us and he said, “I remember everything about Jack and your family. I know how hard it was on you all in the beginning. I remember it all.” We talked about doing a freeze biopsy and that is where they take a tiny portion of the “mass” (again…that word) and see if it’s cancer right then and there. I told him we didn’t want to know the results about it because of what happened when Jack was first sick and he said, “I remember…that man who did the surgery on his neck biopsy came out and told you it wasn’t cancer and then you were blindsided a few days later after they did a biopsy on the entire section. We won’t do that to you.” He said we should know the results by Friday afternoon. I asked him what he thought it was and he said he didn’t know. It could be new disease but it could very well be an infection. He asked if Jack had been sick lately and I told him about Jack’s crazy virus he had a few weeks ago and that very well could be from that so that’s what we are hoping for.
Jack will have to have a chest tube put in place so that will not come out until Friday afternoon. He thinks we will have to stay at the hospital until Sunday. Jack had a bit of a breakdown before he went to bed last night (he slept with us again) and I felt so awful for him. He kept saying that it’s going to be the worst day ever and he knows it will hurt and he doesn’t want to go. This all started when he asked what day it was…I told him it was Tuesday and he said, “Do you know what that means?! That means only a few more days until we get to go over to Rafe’s house and play after baseball!!” Rafe is his buddy from school and they play on the same baseball team. We had made plans to go over and swim and hang out for the afternoon with him and his family and Jack was looking forward to that so much. I had to tell him we won’t be able to do that and the breakdown began.
This is where the feeling of anger comes in. It really makes me (and the rest of our family) so angry that this is even happening to him. It’s just not fair. He has been through enough and it just makes us literally sick that we have to watch him continue to prove that he can overcome anything. We don’t want to be tested anymore. We have been tested enough and this kid passed with flying colors.
I fell asleep last night around 11 and woke up at 1 AM and for one second I forgot about all of this and then I realized that we are checking in today and I wanted to throw up. I was awake most of the night listening to Jack breathe and just watching him. I would turn on my phone so I could use the light to see his little face. There are so many emotions running through my mind right now that it’s hard to even collect my thoughts. I am angry he has to go through another surgery. I am angry at the possibility that this devil of a beast might be back. I am scared to death of what the results will be. I am hopeful that it’s just an infection. I am confident that Jack will overcome any roadblock that comes his way. I am sad that he is so upset. I feel awful because, as a mother, I feel like I should have been more prepared for this. I am humbled by all of the support, love, and prayers that are coming Jack’s way. I am at ease with leaving Braden while we check in because I know he will be taken care of by my family and friends. I am all over the place. Zac is truly being the rock in this situation. If it weren’t for his attitude, I would be even more of an emotional wreck.
I am nervous to walk on the the oncology floor today. We haven’t been back to that floor and I am nervous to do it. I hope we get to see some of the same nurses and PCT’s that took care of Jack before. We have been seeing a lot of them over the past couple days at the hospital and they are so amazing.
Thank you to all of you for sending your love and prayers to Jack. Please keep them coming. We have people from all over the world pulling for him and we really need that to continue. We will keep you all updated as we go.
Here is a picture that was posted yesterday that Rafe and his family did for Jack….he was so excited when he saw this!