It’s been awhile since I have had a post and I have been jotting down things to write about but it all went to hell when Jack gave me a reality check tonight at bed time. We just got done reading “Warrior Baby” by Shannon Laffoon and he told me he loved the book and put it in a special spot on his bookcase. He said, “I know just where to put this one….” and off he went. I asked him if he liked the book and he said he really did and wanted to know more about Wylder and his dog Maddie. We talked for a bit and then turned off the lights. He lined up his “guys”…Norbert, Tiger, Bunny, Mario, and Luigi in the correct order and then put his head on his pillow with a smile. I asked if we should do our prayers now and of course he said yes. We thanked God for our family and friends. We thanked God for our health, the food on our table, and the roof over our head. We asked God to protect our family as he has been…not just us, but our aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents…everyone. We asked God to help the kids at the hospital that were hurting…to somehow take away their pain and give them hope. After we were done with our normal prayers, I asked Jack if there was anything he wanted to say and he said…
“Am I allowed to thank God for my toys?”
I told him of course he was…
He said, “Thank you for my toys, my mom, my dad, my brother, my family, my friends…”
I asked him if he wanted to thank God for anything else like “No more…”
And Jack said, “Cancer?”
I said, “Yes, do you want to thank God for no more cancer and to ask him to keep it away forever?”
Jack said, “I already do.”
Me, “Oh…you do? When? Every night”
Jack, “pretty much…I always ask for that.”
Oh. Ok. Really? My 5 year old asks God for no more cancer every night on his own, by himself, before bed…Wow.
I am not sure if I should be screaming with pride that my 5 year old would do such a thing or sick to my stomach that he is even thinking of such a thing. This is what I am going to go with…
I am proud of him. I am so very proud of him. When I was asked what gave me the strength to get through the months of treatment that he went though, I said Jack is what got me through. He gave me strength. He gave me power. He should be the one getting strength from me and Zac, but he is the one who was doing it. He knew from the beginning that hew as going to fight and he did. He knew when he was 2 1/2 that he was going to be ok, because he told me. He took my face in his tiny little hands and told me, “I am ok.” I believed him and that is what powered me through. I think he has a connection with others that we don’t have. Maybe it’s my Grandpa…maybe isn’t his Nanna Lou…I am not sure what it is, but he is wise. I am a planner, but he plans it out before me and doesn’t even tell me. He continues to go on with his little life like nothing has happened to him because he knows that every second counts. Sounds a bit much for a 5 year old…maybe so, but it’s honestly the truth. He got up every single day through treatment and kept on pushing. Continued fighting. Continued loving his life while he was going through hell. He is my inspiration. He is my strength. He is my reason to fight and my reason to never give up. He prays for no more cancer at night while he is falling asleep. He is my hero.